ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
