i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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