K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
