We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
