My nipple is on Facebook.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
