garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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