then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
