Only a mothe r could love this liver
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
