holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
