I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
