Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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