Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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