hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
