you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
