The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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