he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
