i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
