he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
