pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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