He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize