i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
