I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
