Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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