I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
