you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
