I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
