would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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