wrigley field is MILF paradise
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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