You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
