i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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