I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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