We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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