haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
