so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
