I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
