I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
