On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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