Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
