he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
