Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
