I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
