i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
