i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
