i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Randomize