# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
