don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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