can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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