I just saw a hot homeless man
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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