good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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