It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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