my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
there is glitter all over my balls
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
