Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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