you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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