you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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