He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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