I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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