I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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