Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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