After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
