I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
