Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
