Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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