She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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