My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
