Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
