I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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